Mom, mama, mommy, mother. Our children give us these names. The titles sometimes change as our children grow and the tone they use reflects their current attitude. But there is no sweeter name! As we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend, I offer some encouragement to moms.
I am the mother of three boys. They are now men with children of their own (watch for a Father’s Day post next month).
This is one of my favorite photos of my boys. Great-Grandma Julia let them each pull a carrot, wash it off in the hose, and have a snack.
Fast forward thirty-plus years to their birthday celebration last fall. Their birthdays are twelve days apart and, since two of the live hours away, we get together for one big family dinner.
If you hadn’t guessed from the first photo, Justin and Jordan are twins. As the mom of twins, I was often asked to share at baby showers celebrating the birth of twins into our church family. Last week while organizing computer files from years past, I discovered one of those devotionals and hope it will be an encouragement to you.
Although this is written as an acrostic for TWINS and it was originally written many years ago, it has been adapted and is applicable to all moms and even to grandmothers.
T – Times two and so much more
Right now the “so much more” hits you in the overwhelming amount of work that two little babies can generate for you between laundry, feedings, diaper changes, etc. Of course, you also recognize this as an overwhelming blessing from God and answer to prayer demonstrating God’s ability to “do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). Soon, as you are able to leave the world of sleep deprivation behind you, you will discover that the “so much more’ is more fun, more excitement, more adventure, and probably more mischief than you could have ever imagined.
W – Win the hearts of your children.
This doesn’t mean spoiling them but rather letting them know that they hold a high priority in your world. Let them see and hear you taking them before the Lord and praying for His blessing and guidance in their lives. Don’t be afraid to let them see that you don’t know everything but you rely on God’s Word, His wisdom, and His ways so that you “go boldly to the throne of God” (Hebrews 4:16) on their behalf.
Get down and get dirty with them–after all, for most boys (and some girls) getting dirty is their way of life. Play dump trucks and build fairy gardens with them. Engage in water fights. Make a point of having fun with your children.
Also, remember that part of winning their hearts is being consistent in your discipline and enforcing the boundaries that you have set for their physical, spiritual, and emotional safety. When they are young and especially when they are teenagers, these boundaries may not always be appreciated, and they may attempt to make you feel like the enemy of fun and good times. But stand firm in the scripture in Proverbs 22:6 that says, “Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
I – Individuality is important.
Psalms 139 says each of us is “fearfully and wonderfully made” and verse 16 says, “your eyes have seen my unformed substance: and in your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” Notice that it is all singular and not plural. It says “me,” not “us.”
So, first of all, guard your identity remembering that being a wife and mother is a role that God has called you to, not who you are. I don’t want to minimize those roles in any way because there is no greater place of ministry, position, and power than as a wife and other. But those roles are what you do, not who you are. First and foremost, you are a child of God that needs to nurture your relationship with God the Father because there will be times when the strength of that relationship will be the survival of your sanity as a wife and mother.
For your children, allow them to be themselves not a “duplication” of each other or an older sibling. Politely discourage family and friends from referring to them as a set rather than individuals. Regardless of whether you have twins or children of multiple ages, resist the temptation to compare them and protect them from others who might be tempted. This was especially challenging for us because Ryan was three when Justin and Jordan were born and he quickly fell into referring to them as “the brothers”. This soon became their “name” within the extended family of cousins and despite our best efforts we still battle it some today, and they are 20 years old (now over 30) and very different individuals.
Your child needs you as an advocate for their individuality reminding teachers, friends, family, etc. that you are not the parent of twins or siblings (our three were often called the Skolrud boys or the “boy cousins”) but you are the parent of separate and unique children. Make a point of spending time with each of your children individually and be careful to develop a relationship with each of them and “trade-off” with your spouse which child you take with you on errands, etc.
N – Never allow the relationship with your children to take priority over the relationship with your spouse.
When we look at creation, marriage came before parenting, and I don’t believe that God has changed that priority. It may not seem so when they are young, but your children will be in your home a short time compared to the time that you and your spouse will be together. Make a point of continually cultivating that relationship with date nights, early morning coffee (if you can sneak out of bed without waking your children), or late-night popcorn and a movie after your children’s bedtime. Realize that trusted babysitters are a blessing that God has provided to enable you to refresh yourself and your relationship with your husband so you can be better parents.
Choose to develop an interest in one of your spouse’s hobbies or interests that he would like to share with you (even if right now it holds no interest for you). For us, we share gardening and landscaping–many hours have been spent wandering hand in hand through the local garden centers while our boys were with friends or at grandpa and grandma’s house. I learned to play golf early in our relationship rather than to be a golf “widow”. I will admit I learned from my dad because learning from my soon-to-be spouse was a breeding ground for arguments. Golf became our “family” sport.
S – Savor the little moments.
The Gospels tell us that Mary “pondered these things in her heart” (Luke 2:19) referring to Jesus’ actions as a child. I don’t think she did that just because Jesus was God-incarnate. I think that is just a part of our make-up as mothers. Realize that some of your fondest memories will not be the big, public acts and performances–although those are fun and priceless and make great photo opportunities. Our boys have great memories of singing in the children’s musical productions and taking part in our church’s “Children’s Day” activities as ushers and worship leaders.
However, my reflections tend to be towards the times when their individual personalities came to the forefront. Like when my oldest was three and refused to be obedient. At the end of my patience, I finally used the phrase I normally refrained from and said, “Do it because I’m the mom and I said so.” His snappy and sassy response was, “No, because I’m the Ryan!” We have laughed together often about that moment (and how I could laugh and discipline at the same time).
Some of the things that you will ponder in your heart are the ways your children interact with each other when they don’t think anyone is looking–both positive and negative. I remember watching Jordan, as a toddler, stand at our sliding door waiting for Justin to return from a doctor’s appointment, and the fight over not wanting their hair parted on the same side. Their Sunday School teacher when they were two-years-old shared about the twinkle in their eyes when they insisted that the teacher figure out who was who because they weren’t telling or gave the wrong name (they looked very much alike as children.) I enjoyed watching Justin and Jordan being coached in Sr. Little League by Ryan, and all of us playing on the same church slow-pitch team for a couple of seasons.
In conclusion, let me encourage you as you are living through all that being a mother demands of you. The most important thing to remember is that God placed these children in your home and in your care. He trusts you to raise them to be men/women of faith but they are His children. Begin when they are young releasing them to his care and guidance. Respect their relationship with Him, knowing that even at a very young age He can begin to speak to them regarding their life’s call. Whey they come to you and share the call that they feel from God (even if it means the separation of miles for months, years, or a lifetime), don’t object. Pray a prayer of blessing over them and release them to follow God’s will even if it goes against your will of wanting to keep them close to you. Remember Hannah’s words to the priest Eli when she brought Samuel to the temple, “For this [child] I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord (I Samuel 1:27-28).
I pray you have received encouragement as a woman, wife, and mother. Be thankful for the roles that God has given you and never take them for granted! I am grateful that I can share my heart for home and family, and feel very blessed.
Blessings,
